Hello
everyone, Holly, I am finally having dreams about you. In both dreams you were laughing and playing with kids. Last nights dream you were in a room with lots of kids, playing. It was the last night I was ever going to see you. I wanted to take you out so that I could tell you and show you how much I love you, maybe even save you. But, you were having so much fun that I thought it would be selfish of me to take you away from your fun. The police came to take me away. This was very upsetting for me because I couldn't watch you play anymore. I awoke in the middle of the night realizing reality. Holly, I know that when you left that you knew how much you were loved by us and that I miss you so much it hurts. But, I do hope that my dream is true, that you are playing and laughing, coming to me in the night to tell me so. Love your mommy. Remember: I love you up to each and every star, to the moon, around the sun and back again. Mommyxxxxxxoooooo Hi Holly, my Holly Dolly. Its me mommy again. I still miss you so, so, so, much, but sometimes more so. I used to sit in your garden day after day and night after night. Now I work a little, I think it is a healthy decision and unable to sit in your garden all night, now that it's colder and gets darker. Since you have been gone, I am now afraid of the dark, just like you were. People say you are here in spirit, but it is not enough for me, I want you here, the way you used to be, to see you, to feel you, hear you, smell your baby hair, watch you bob down the street with your knapsack on, run to me with your open arms calling MOMMY, laugh and cry with me, now its all in my imagination with the memory's you have left and now I laugh and cry with out you, but I can't help but cry more than ever before. I love you so much and I'm so angry at that evil that took you. He will be punished for this but not as much as he has punished you and your family. I wish so much how you could see all the people that post their comments, people from all over with their supporting, kind and loving words. You truly have touched so many hearts. I hope they know how they touch my heart. They speak loving words, showing how they care and expressing the best they can, to support us. My wish to all of these people, is that they do not forget. Never forget your name. Reading these post comments, in some strange way, releases my tears and adds to the love I have in my heart for you. My only hope I have left, if that you really are in complete peace and that I will be with you again one day. I love you, I love you and I love you, XXXXXXOOOOOO. I'll see you in my dreams Holly Dolly. Maria Jones |
| Hello My Holly Dolly.
Daddy was right, we missed
you very much. We didn't celebrate Thanks giving this year,
but all the family did get together for dinner exept your daddy.
He
wanted to stay home, he wanted to be by himself. I missed having
your dad with us. Your sisters are missing you so much and
your brother, James is really having a hard time dealing with
life without
you. Holly, all I could think about on Thanks giving day is
the horrific news we were told exactly 5 months ago, about you.
The
sick pain in my gut aches so much. Your sisters and brother
love you very much, we want to talk about you, but we are scared
of
the pain we get when we do. We will be doing this more so very
soon, I want to hold your sisters and your brother in my arms,
while we all have a good cry about you. Holly, I'm sorry but
we can't help it, I think we will be shedding tears for you for
a
long time. I love you to each and every star, to the moon,
around the sun and back again. |
| Holly,
it's just after 11:00am, on Remembrance Day. I am filled with so much pain, thinking about the pain you suffered and the heartwrenching pain of missing you so much. 11:00am is a moment of silence to think about those who died in war, but couldn't help but think about you. People say to think about our wonderful memories. I do think about them and even more, treasure them. Its too hard to remember you and all our memories without it hurting so much. I want to say "SORRY" to you, but in this case "SORRY" means nothing. I don't even know if you can hear me say "I Love You". I don't know if you can feel anything or if we will ever be together again, but I have to have that hope. Mommy will never be the same without you, I will never celebrate another holiday and I will never fall asleep nor wake up without your face in my mind. I wish so much I could give you another butterfly kiss or feel your loving hugs. I Love You to each and every star, to the moon, around the sun
and back again. |
Holly, I'm here again connecting with you on this site. I talk with you through out the whole day. I picture your face with smiles and then they are torn away with your pain. Something gives me the strength to come on your site so that I can read what others feel and express. I want to say so much to you, to let you know how proud I am of you, how proud I have always been of you, your sisters and brother. Holly there are so many different kinds of people in our world. You should know this, this is why I have taught you to never be judgemental, it is whats in their hearts that matters. The saying "you can't judge a book by its cover", which means you need to read the book first. Each of us will always enjoy a different book. Holly, there are so many kinds of kind people, children, men and woman on your site. Why are they on here? Because they have something in their heart for you. Your dad was upset, not mad, upset, (but Holly, you know what your dad is like), he likes to be realistic, he was upset because of religions that are spoken about. We are catholic, but dad is right, we didn't practise. We used to. Christmas Eve, Easter, Thanksgiving, many a Sunday's, all of your babtism's and Confirmation's and all of you kids went to a catholic school. We stopped practising so much, but it was important to us that you all continued a catholic school so that you could decide on your own beliefs. Holly, I have paper work here that you wrote your self about God, I spoke with you about God, you had your beliefs and I wanted you to have your own beliefs. This is how we are able to express our selves the way that makes us feel good. People like Olivia Jones for those beautiful words, Kelly Jones for her honesty, the people with words only to protect us, anyone from St. Vincent De Paul, the children that just want to speak to you so that they can feel, the Police officer that made a point to visit your site and let you know how he was desperately looking for you and anyone that wants to share what they feel or pass kind and comforting words to our family, meaning you too, Holly. I say Bless them all! Holly, I was, or must have been in shock from the second that you were missing and stayed in shock for a very long time. Christmas is getting closer which only empty's my heart more. I didn't cry, when I had to say my final good-bye to you, Oh I wanted to so, but the tears didn't come, now they pour. I have heard how "you are an angel now", "you are in Gods hands", "Think of our memory's", "you are the chosen one" and so many more. They anger me because it isn't good enough! You didn't leave in peace, you shouldn't have left at all. I do know these words are only said out of comfort for them and or for us. I do wish all of this was true, but the problem is I knew you better than anyone and loved you more than anyone. I know in my heart that you didn't want to leave, you didn't want to become an angel or the chosen one, nor did we! My God Holly, How I Love You! I Feel You, I Need You, BUT, I wish so much that you could love me, feel me and need me. Holly, We will not be celebrating Christmas this year, no decorations or tree, just like we didn't celebrate Halloween. We can't celebrate such a loving time of year if we don't have you here to love. Your sisters and brother, your dad and I will be in arms loving each other and only wishing that you were in arms with us. Holly, I will try and come back soon. I just Love and miss you so damn much! LOVE
FOREVER, MOMMY. |
| Hello Everyone,.
I again have to thank you all for sharing your so comforting words, that I know comes from your heart, contacting Holly to help keep her spirit alive, expressing caring and thoughtful feelings to our daughter, Holly. Anyone that keeps a picture of her in your home and those that kept a picture under your Christmas tree this year. I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart. I also want to express my thanks to Regina, "another mother" and the person who left the comment before mine, your words are truly uplifting and even though all 3 comments are completely different, I relate with all you have said and so grateful to you for coming on this site and expressing such kind and strong thoughts. I need to make sure that you all know that I do read these comments quite often, I try not to miss any, however, I did miss the one that a few of you said was so horrible and inappropriate. I am glad I missed that comment, I do not need to hear peoples feelings if they are negative in any way, you can keep those thoughts to yourself. All of you uplift me in a way, help with my strength that you say I have and release my tears only to feel comfort. I see the love out there in all of you, the love that you share with Holly. I will never see Holly grow but I hope the love that you give will always continue to grow. Again, Thank You, |
Holly, I have to talk to you while this feels so fresh in my mind. I was closer to you yesterday, than I have been in the last 9 months, just like the nine months I carried you inside of me. What happened to you is still un-imaginable to me, I still feel like I am living a nightmare and wish so much that I could wake up to find that this has been nothing but a bad dream. Yesterday, I thought that I had woke up. I sat on our lounge chair to take a little rest and dozed off into your world. In my dream I had woke up. This had felt so real. I was in the kitchen and you had walked in, you were about 5 or 6, wearing one of your outfits from back then. I was so happy with so many tears of happiness, I hugged and kissed you so much, realizing that I had been in a nightmare the whole time and now I am awake thinking that none of this ever happened to you. You were not laughing, you were a little sad, wanting to be hugged and kissed by me, not understanding my nightmare, our nightmare. I then awoke and realized that I was in a dream and now I am back into the nightmare. The pain that lives inside of us is impossible to explain, the thought of never having you in my arms again sickens my insides, I cannot comprehend what happened to you, what you felt, the pain and fear you suffered, but I fear that is was worse than the pain we suffer. Holly, it is hard to sleep at many times thinking of you, but if I know that I will go back into my dream with you again, I will sleep day and night. In your days with us, I don't think that one day ever went by with the words I love you to each other. I love you to each and every star, to the moon, around the sun and back again. Mommy |
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HOllY, ALTHOUGH I THINK OF YOU EVERY SECOND OF EACH DAY, MY THOUGHTS OF YOU SEEM TO BE STRONGER AND MORE CONTINUOUS. YESTERDAY, EARLY EVENING, FEELING TIRED, I LAID DOWN AND AGAIN FELL INTO A DREAM OF YOU. I WAS FEELING SAD AND CRYING MISSING YOUR SISTER, HOLLY. YOU HAD COME HOME FROM SCHOOL, WEARING RED AND HOW BEAUTIFUL THAT COLOR WAS ON YOU AGAINST YOUR PINK SKIN. I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO SEE MY SADNESS, SO I HELD BACK THE TEARS. I WRAPPED MY ARMS AROUND YOU, GIVING YOU A BIG HUG, I KNEW THAT YOU FELT SOMETHING WAS WRONG, I COULDN'T HOLD BACK THE TEARS. I FELT I HAD TO EXPLAIN AND EXPRESS HOW I MISS YOUR SISTER AND THAT I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF HER. YOU HAD THAT SAD LOOK ALSO, KNOWING OF COURSE YOU MISS YOUR SISTER TOO, BUT YOU WERE HOLDING BACK YOUR TEARS, SO I KNEW I MUST STOP CRYING NOW. YOUR FACE WAS SO CLEAR, YOU FELT OH SO CLOSE, YOUR BEUTY WAS SO VIVID, IT FELT SO REAL. MOMENTS LATER, I FOUND MYSELF HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING. I NEEDED TO WALK AWAY, SO THAT YOU DON'T SEE THIS. I WAS GASPING AND GASPING FOR AIR, IT GOT WORSE. I THOUGHT THAT MY BREATHING WOULD STOP, I FELT TERRIFIED. I WOKE, FORGETTING THAT I WAS BREATHLESS, BUT ONLY REMEMBERING YOU, COMING HOME FROM SCHOOL LOOKING SO PRETTY AND HAPPY. WONDERING WHO WAS YOUR SISTER, FEELING CONFUSED FOR A MOMENT. REALITY AGAIN HIT ME. YOU WERE HOLLY, THERE IS NO SISTER HOLLY. IT HAS BEEN ALMOST A YEAR SINCE YOU WERE TAKEN FROM US, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY WHEN WE WERE FACED WITH THE HORROR. I MISS YOUR SOFT VOICE, THE EXCITEMENT IN YOUR VOICE, THE VOICE OF NEEDING COMFORT, THE VOICE OF EXPRESSING HAPPINESS, THE VOICE OF SHOWING ME SADNESS, THE VOICES OF FEELING TROUBLED, THE VOICES OF WANTING ADVICE AND THAT SPECIAL VOICE OF ASKING FOR LOVE, COMFORT, A HUG OR KISS FROM ME FILLING YOU WITH A SAFENESS, FEELING SECURE, SO THAT NOTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD MATTERED RIGHT NOW, FEELING TRULY LOVED AND IN RETURN I WOULD FEEL TRULY BLESSED TO HAVE YOU AS MY DAUGHTER. IN THAT MOMENT, NOTHING ELSE WOULD MATTER TO ME EITHER. I MISS ALL YOUR VOICES AND EVERY THING ELSE ABOUT YOU. NOW OUR VOICES CRY OUT FOR YOU BUT OUR WORLD IS SILENT WITHOUT YOURS. PLEASE COME SEE ME IN MY DREAMS AGAIN, BUT PLEASE STAY LONGER NEXT TIME. I LOVE YOU TO EACH AND EVERY STAR, TO THE MOON, AROUND THE SUN AND BACK AGAIN. LOVE, WITH EVERY PART OF MY HEART,MOMMY. Sept 30, 2005 Hello Everyone It was my priority to send this message to all of you who come on to Holly's site. I want to thank all of you, for the time you take out to spend with Holly or the care that comes from your heart for Holly. I have not been on this site since, not long after, Holly's passing. At first, I would log on several times a day to receive your messages and at times, send a message. It was, at the time, the closest I could connect with Holly, hearing or reading your words, brought me so much comfort, you cannot even imagine. Reality has set in, entering into this site has become too painful to face. However, I have to be so grateful to my very good friend, Holly's webmaster, to keep me up to date with particular messages and at the same time, always keeping Holly's website up to date for you all. Well, thanks to my very good friend. Today, I was blown away, I was totally overwhelmed by the responses I have received from you all with the messages for me to read. One of you had menntioned, "people like me, give you reason to wake up in the morning". However, you all need to know, that it is on the contrary, people like you, who give me reason to wake up in the morning. I sincerely and from the bottom of my heart, thank you for keeping Holly's spirit alive for me, it is her spirit that gives me the determination, it is your words and support that keep me moving in the path that has been laid out for me. I thank you and say, BRAVO to you all for allowing me and giving me the strength to walk the path that will make a difference in the end, a difference that will protect our children. I will forever be grateful to you all. Holly would forever be proud of the goodness that surrounds our evil. Love
Maria Jones, |